Stress and Feeling Discombobulated

Volume 12, Issue 5

In this week’s edition stress expert Beverly Flaxington shows us some very helpful ways to avoid the overwhelming and out-of-control feeling of being “discombobulated!” I know you’ll enjoy this great article and please make sure to leave your comments below.

Stress and Feeling Discombobulated

By Bev Flaxington

For many people, the fast-paced world in which we live, the commitments that never end, the various people and groups demanding attention and the lack of feeling in control all add up to a feeling of being “discombobulated.” Often we don’t feel like we have a system, or a way of handling things, that allows us to stay calm and in control in the face of the flurry of activities that surround us.

It IS possible to stand in the middle of a swirling storm of demands and commitments and refuse to allow it to pick us up and send us whirling around with it. How do we do this? Most people would say they are victims of their circumstances, and that’s where stress comes in for most of us. But we’re not victims – we choose our responses even in the midst of chaos.

What if we could control the chaos a little bit, though? What if we could stem the tide of the craziness that we feel victimizes us? There are ways to both divert the flow of the chaos, and control our responses to it. Here are some steps you can take in the New Year, 2012, to stop feeling discombobulated:

1. Identify what matters to you. Be clear about the things you care about – make sure they are both quantitative and qualitative. It’s okay to spend a bit of time just imaging here. Then, write the things down that you value most – put them in order. Keep this list handy and when new demands come upon you, consult your list. Make sure what you are agreeing to do, or responding to, is actually a priority for you.
2. Break down goals and commitments into “bite-sized” chunks. Take a large project, or a work commitment, or a goal such as cleaning your home and becoming organized, and break it down into the discrete steps you need to take. What’s first, second, third, etc.? Get the steps as small as possible and then see where you can assign steps to others, or incorporate them into your daily activities. The smaller the task, the easier it is to accomplish. For example, planning my son’s recent birthday party became much easier when I broke it down into 12 different smaller steps and could ask my mother, my husband and a friend to help me implement them.
3. Don’t do everything yourself – learn to delegate those things that you aren’t particular good at or don’t enjoy. Find resources – if you can afford to pay someone, consider hiring help for some of what you need to do. If you can’t afford to pay, can you barter something with someone? For example, we trade off car pooling in my neighborhood so we can all have more time. In my hypnosis practice I will offer a session to someone who gives me a different kind of service. We all have talents we can barter!
4. Plan your day. Find a planning process that works for you – for example, I use Outlook regularly and then sync it with my phone. This allows me to have one place where I capture everything, including work and personal commitments. I find it easiest to have it all in one place. I “invite” my husband to appointments just to let him know where I’ll be. For other people, it works to have a large calendar in the kitchen with everyone’s commitments listed, and then have a separate work-related calendar. For others, the paper-based approach works best – they can carry it everywhere and not worry about technology failing them. The important thing is to plan – to map out where you have commitments, what steps you need to take to get your projects done, what you’d like to accomplish in any given day and what you are prioritizing for any given day or week. Make sure to identify each separate piece and put it down on a day, and within a time-frame. Things in writing on our calendars tend to be committed to. I finally was able to meet an exercise goal worked into my day by putting  it on my calendar as if it were a formal commitment.
5. Take steps to stay calm so that you can think clearly. If you find yourself rushing, or find yourself ruminating “How will I ever get this all done??” be prepared to s-l-o-w down and take a few deep breaths. Remember that “This too shall pass.” In the moment of feeling overwhelmed, we don’t often just stop and pause. We give in to the rushing and let it overtake us. Instead, realize that clear thinking requires being calm and focused. STOP! Make a conscious effort to slow down – walk slowly, speak slowly. Take three deep breaths – breathe in through your nose, and out through your mouth. Say the following – “I am calm. I am confident. I am in control.” Force yourself to stop, breathe, and say these words so that you are able to focus on what you need to do next.
6. Post a sign – “Is this of value to me?” Put this somewhere noticeable – on your desk, on your mirror, etc. When you are engaged in an activity that is causing you stress, stop and consider whether it is really meaningful to you. We spend so much time on things that don’t matter that we don’t have the time we need for things that do! Reorient yourself over and over to those things that are most important.

Make the commitment to take charge of your life and refuse to allow the vagaries of your day to stress you out and make you feel discombobulated. You have more choice than you may believe you do. Even if you just take one of the steps listed here, you will start to change the way you respond to events.

Have a plan. Know what’s important. Keep the important things in focus at all times. Delegate. Trade talents. Stop. Slow down. Stay focused on your values. Consider whether you want to run away with your anxious feelings or make a different choice. Break things down into manageable tasks. And remember – BREATHE!

Beverly is a Certified Hypnotist, Certified Hypnosis Trainer, Reiki Master Attunement Practitioner, Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst (CPBA) and Certified Professional Values Analyst (CPVA). She uses the DISC and PIAV tools frequently in her work with individuals and organizations. Bev holds a BSBA and an MBA from Suffolk University.

She is an expert in sales, marketing, behavioral styles, stress management, hypnosis, time management, life and career change management, team-building, communication and business building.

Get more information about Beverly’s coaching and personal development programs: http://www.the-collaborative.com/our-services/personal-team-development/ or learn more about her behavioral expertise go to http://www.understandingotherpeople.com.

Tags: bev flaxington, beverly flaxington, stress, stress management, stress reduction, stress reduction tools